Excited scientists at NASA today confirmed that the much-discussed “human figure” on Mars is actually a Bigfoot, which indicates that the elusive animals have relocated to the red planet in an attempt to escape certain annihilation at the hands of polluters, logging operations, and gun nuts.
Scientists confirm that Bigfeet, left, have relocated to Mars, right
“This is an exciting moment for biodiversity in our solar system,” said Tim Planktonnen, head of Panspermation Research for NASA. “Not only does it allay fears that Bigfeet are extinct, but it also means that Mars is easily habitable if humans can bring themselves closer to nature like our closest cousin.”
Cryptozoologist Amy Weatherbee said the discovery holds out hope for other threatened species. “What other animals might the Bigfeet have brought with them to Mars? Are the canals filled with Nessies and the rolling hills now inhabited by Leprechauns? We can only hope so, and also hope that eight years of Republican environmental negligence can be turned around by an enlightened philosopher-king who will save our souls and restore America’s international reputation.”
Capitalizing on the public interest in the Martian photograph, NASA has asked Congress for $600,000,000,000 dollars to send an unmanned probe to do a flyby of the moon in preparation for the day when they need to ask for an enormous budget to buy a big telescope to monitor Chinese mining operations on Mars.
“We know that given the state of bureaucratic decay in our organization we can’t hope to do anything but mimic earlier missions,” admitted Planktonnen. “But we’re hoping to be able to watch other people do something interesting, which ultimately is a lot easier for us anyways.”
Cryptozoologist Amy Weatherbee said the discovery holds out hope for other threatened species. “What other animals might the Bigfeet have brought with them to Mars? Are the canals filled with Nessies and the rolling hills now inhabited by Leprechauns? We can only hope so, and also hope that eight years of Republican environmental negligence can be turned around by an enlightened philosopher-king who will save our souls and restore America’s international reputation.”
Capitalizing on the public interest in the Martian photograph, NASA has asked Congress for $600,000,000,000 dollars to send an unmanned probe to do a flyby of the moon in preparation for the day when they need to ask for an enormous budget to buy a big telescope to monitor Chinese mining operations on Mars.
“We know that given the state of bureaucratic decay in our organization we can’t hope to do anything but mimic earlier missions,” admitted Planktonnen. “But we’re hoping to be able to watch other people do something interesting, which ultimately is a lot easier for us anyways.”
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