Democrats Begin Purges Early

In a stunning sign of electoral confidence, Democratic heavyweights begun the internecine bickering and political purging that accompanies a party which has long held political power, a sign of their commitment to changing the way that Washington works.

“We’re not even out of the primaries and the Clinton-Obama camps are tearing each other apart,” crowed DNC chairman Howard Dean. “It took Republicans twelve long years to reach this point, just another sign that they’re not committed to keeping pace with the 21st century.”

House leader Nancy Pelosi said that she was proud of the race baiting, fear mongering, and rigid ideology that was beginning to split the party in twain. “Most left-wing groups, like communists or socialists, wait until after they’ve won elections to begin purges. But not the Democratic party! We’re going to purge now and avoid the big post-election rush!”

Political observers said that the purges were risky, but might ultimately pay off. “There’s always a risk when you sunder your party before the general election instead of after it,” said a political scientist with the Cato Institute for Advanced Institutional Decline. “One of the biggest problems is that the dispirited groups don’t vote, and you never get to take power, so your purges of the general population can’t be effectively done. But after the Democrats’ success on ending the war, reigning in the budget, and increasing transparence in government, I think we can trust that Pelosi and Dean know what they’re doing.”