I really wanted to read Bill Simmons’ ESPN.com debate with himself about whether the ‘86 Celtics or the ‘07 Patriots were the greatest team ever to grace Boston. But then I remembered that I needed to get a root canal from my nearsighted dentist with hands the size of oven mitts, and I wasn’t able to read it.
These are the kind of articles that sports networks love to run, but which are excruciating for non-fans to read. Why do they punish us with these things? They promise all of the joy of hearing a drunken friend debate with himself whether his penis is longer or wider than the normal man’s, with none of the schadenfreude of watching him vomit on himself at the end of the night.