Friday, January 25, 2008

Republican Debate, Abridged Version

In case you didn’t get the chance to watch the whole Florida debate, or fell asleep halfway through it, here’s a useful synopsis for you. I didn’t watch it either, but I talked to people who did. Don’t laugh: that means I’m as qualified to write about it as Hillary Clinton is to be president.

Romney: I may be a flip-flopper, but at least I’m not a conservative poser. At least not on most topics, if you believe my flip-flopping is permanent. I heart Rudy, by the way.

Giuliani: Today, I consider myself the luckiest man ever to have once been a frontrunner, even though my disastrous strategy has brought me to the brink of irrelevance. And mega-dittos to you too, Mitty-boy.

McCain: Just look for the NYT label!

Moderator: Brother Huckabee, how do you feel about Jesus?
Moderator: Testify!
Huckabee: I said, PRAISE JESUS!
Moderator: Amen, Brother Huckabee!

Dr. Ron Paul, Licensed Moron: The truth is out there! Keep watching the skies! The government is using fluoride to control our minds!

Moderator: Mr. Romney, do you have any final thoughts to bring us during the last ten minutes of this debate?
Romney: Why yes, yes I do…

[The Specter of Fred Thompson]: I lost to these assholes? Good God, I really am lazy!

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