Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Golden Compromise

It turns out that the ACLU is defending Larry Craig on the grounds that people who are having sex in a public restroom have an expectation of privacy.

Who knew?

Before we get up in arms about this, though, I suggest that we use this as a fig leaf to begin to heal the divide between gays and straights.

After all, the only people who can benefit from the right to have private sex in a public restroom are gay people. Public bathrooms are unisex, after all. Otherwise, you’d have perverts peeking under every door stall and women strolling by the urinals checking out the talent.

And that would be seedy.

So the offer is this: let’s let gays have all the hot, steamy sex they want in public bathroom stalls, and straight people will keep the tax benefits of marriage. Everybody wins, right?

Before you laugh, which do you see more of in popular culture: tax benefits for married people or hot, steamy bathroom sex scenes (from the show Friends to Panthers cheerleaders to pornos)? And we all know that what’s reflected in popular culture is what’s important.

So let’s just write this into the constitution and be done with it.

Larry Craig: healing America one wide stance at a time.

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