Thursday, January 10, 2008

Asia Panics After Glowing Pig Attack

All of southeast Asia is on high alert tonight after a glowing pig fought two ultraviolet-infused cats in the skies above the Sea of Japan, destroying a fishing village and leaving 100 villagers homeless and suffering from allergy attacks.

The battle, which began just as the morning boats were putting out into the water, was described by eyewitnesses as "freaking awesome." The pig escaped from a Chinese laboratory where it had been created in an experiment to make glow-in-the-dark organs to allow doctors to transplant in the dark, part of China's ongoing commitment to the environment.

The pig, called Baconora by villagers, menaced several coastal towns before the Korean Ultraviolet Defense Felines could be brought to bear against it. Though juvenile, the cats were able to inflict heavy damage on Baconora and drive it into the Pacific. The US fleet is currently on high alert and searching for the dangerous porker.

Former Vice President John K. Mondale said he was monitoring the developments closely. Speaking from the Golden Globes, where he won an award for "Longest Televised Acceptance Speech without a Writer" he said that "This is another failure of the Bush administration to adequately defend us against giant monsters. If we'd had a Kong Defense System, we'd be eating BLT's for a month off of this. They'd glow, but I bet they'd still be pretty tasty."

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