Kos: Undeclared is New ‘Agent of Change’

Democratic kingmaker Markos Moulitsas celebrated his latest electoral triumph today, crowing that Undeclared’s loss to Hillary by 15% showed that the Democratic party was ready to accept Undeclared as the new agent for change.

“I’ve backed a lot of candidates, but never has one of my protégés done as well as Undeclared in Michigan yesterday.” Moulistas said to a room full of rapt reporters. “I just couldn’t have hoped for better. Now it’s on to Nevada and South Carolina, where we can make Progressivism new again!”

A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign said that despite the powerful Kos’ backing the campaign wasn’t worried about Undeclared’s impact on future votes. “Anybody who reads the book knows that Undeclared was down in the hood dealing drugs just a few years ago, and chasing ambulances and getting paraplegics pregnant and all that. Just look it up! But we don’t want to make this a race or gender thing, even though everybody knows that Undeclared is a misogynist.”

The other Democratic campaigns eyed the newcomer suspiciously. “We’d all agreed not to run in Michigan,” said an Edwards campaign staffer. “If we’d known that Undeclared was going to violate that agreement, we would have deployed John’s hair and neutralized the threat immediately.”