Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Mental Exercises

Here are a few mental exercises to help warm up your brain. Answers are at the end.

1. What do you call someone who provides work for which another party benefits, yet who receives no payment?
A Slave
B Thrall
C Wikipedia Contributor

2. Someone who is utterly deluded about their chances to be successful can be said to be acting like:
A Mike Gravel
B Ron Paul
C Hillary Clinton
D All of the above

3. How is the Nobel Peace Prize like toilet paper?
A They’re both covered in crap.
B Both make you think of Jimmy Carter.
C You can flush either one.
D It’s not; toilet paper has value.

4. When is a Baptist minister not a minister?
A When he’s using the C-word in public.
B When he’s debating evolution at the GOP debate.
C When he does something noteworthy or charitable.

5. If a tree falls in the forest and crushes a hunter just before he shoots a baby deer, then:
A He can read from his bitterly-clutched bible as the final darkness descends upon him.
B The tree makes no sound, but his death rattle does.
C PETA will be very happy. Very happy, indeed.
D Al Gore will blame it on global warming.

6. Shame is:
A Only for the little people.
B The emotion you must conquer to be a successful celebrity.
C Now being vaccinated against for all reality-show contestants, apparently.
D Passé.

7. Machiavelli is to Howard Dean as:
A Pavoratti is to David Hasselhoff
B Peyton Manning is to Ryan Leaf
C Donald Duck is to Howard the Duck
D George Washington is to Tarzan

8. The success of Iron Man proves that:
A Hollywood is finally trying to make movies that appeal to a mass audience.
B Robert Downey Jr. is a mega-star who has put his troubled past behind him.
C Marvel is better off when it controls its own properties.
D Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.

9. Who gains the most from Pacman Jones playing in Dallas?
A The Dallas Defense.
B Jessica Simpson, because he will distract from Tony Romo honking away the postseason.
C Fans, for the upcoming re-enactment of the shootout at the OK Corral between Jerry Jones and Pacman’s entourage.
D Strippers and lawyers, both of whom will see billable hours greatly increase.

10. At the next Yahoo! board meeting, expect:
A Lots of tar and feathers.
B A round of congratulations for fending off the Microsoft bid.
C Mass resignations.
D Google stock to go up.

1: C, because slaves and thralls get room and board, whereas all Wikipedia Contributors get is the shaft.

2: A or B; Hillary Clinton actually has a chance.

3: D, even including the resale value of the award.

4: A, in honor of the Dr. Cosmo Kramer of Baptist Ministers.

5: C. Only one death isn’t enough for Al Gore to grandstand over.

6: D, unfortunately.

7: B, but only because Hasselhoff had two television hits.

8: C, because a blind squirrel is trying to succeed, whereas Hollywood doesn’t seem to care that it’s failing.

9: D, for obvious reasons.

10: A, with perhaps a rail out of town on the side.

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