A shocking new report from the LA Times alleges that not only did congresswoman Laura Richardson default on three houses, she also kicks her dogs and doesn’t tip the hairdresser.
Richardson, whose party affiliation has not yet been confirmed but is likely Republican, hotly denied the allegations. “I always tip the hairdresser!” she told reporters. “And the dog had it coming!”
Democratic Candidate Barack Obama said it was further evidence that he should be elected. “When even our elected congresspeople can’t make their rent payments, then it’s clear that the Wall Street fatcats are mortgaging our future!” He told a rapt crowd of likely nonvoters. “I promise to do things different when I get to Washington, and get rid of these people who think they are above the law! The message from Barack Obama is clear: I hope you’re ready for change.”
Hillary Clinton told reporters in South Dakota that it was clearly a case of sexism. “If this was Larry Richardson defaulting on a house or two, would we see all this press? No, of course not. But since it’s a woman, the old boy’s club has to fire up into overdrive making her look bad, because they can’t stand the thought of a powerful woman. But Hillary supporters know better, which is why they invest in high-powered rifles and easily-concealed ceramic handguns.”
John McCain, who spent the afternoon arguing with his staff and interviewing potential Democratic running mates on a unity ticket, said that he hoped “Hispanic voters in California will remember the pandering” and vote for him later this year. He also punched a New York Times reporter in the groin, but there were no injuries as NYT reporters have no balls.
Noted conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt commented that “you know who this benefits? Mitt Romney.”