Feminist Group Criticizes Hillary’s ‘Baby Bond’ Scheme

Feminist organization Really Angry Feminists For Liberty and the Environment (RAFFLE) today lambasted Democratic hopeful Hillary Clinton for her proposal to give newborn babies a $5,000 savings bond, saying that it “amounts to paying women not to have abortions.”

RAFFLE president Suzanne Hoppersmith-Gurney-Jones said “We were very disappointed in her proposal, because it shows a serious retreat from her previous stand on abortion rights, a collapse on the environment, and a withdrawal from everything we thought the Democrats stood for. She may as well be a Republican Theocratic Jackbooted Fascist.”

In the past, RAFFLE had advocated for mandatory abortions for all first-time pregnancies, on the grounds that “there are too many people and women should exercise every single right they have, particularly the right to choose, the pre-eminent right in the entire pantheon of rights.”

Clinton’s campaign stood by the proposal, calling it “Supreme pandering of the highest order, the rare campaign promise that is both completely ludicrous and impossible to implement. But it makes her look like she cares, so it helps reform her totally glacial image. She can’t screw donors’ wives like some candidates in the past did to get them to open their wallets.”

A source close to the DNC called RAFFLE “people too weird to get into MoveOn.org” and hinted that, since they were completely loony, they would likely be ignored.

Hoppersmith-Gurney-Jones was undeterred. “We’re here, we’re angry, and we’re going to protest and make asses of ourselves until our demands are met. Some people called Napoleon crazy, and look where it got him.”