Thursday, September 13, 2007

Other Cavemen I Hate

I was thinking this morning about how much I hate the Geico caveman, and it occurred to me that in all my life I’ve only seen one caveman that was funny: Phil Hartman’s unfrozen caveman lawyer.

Every other caveman sucks:

Captain Caveman: The whole stupid cartoon was built around one premise: a ball of pubic hair yelling “CAPTAIN CAAAAVEMAAAAANNN!” and then smashing the dinosaur to pieces. This had to take fifteen minutes to develop? Just hit the damned thing already and get back to the better cartoons.

Fred Flintstone: If you ever laughed at any joke in any Flintstones, you’re a misogynist. That’s what my “Introduction to Women’s Issues” teacher taught me in College, and that’s what I believe. Also, the show was really anti-Christian, since they never ever went to church.

Caveman: This is an awful, awful movie. The only prehistoric movie that might be worse than this is “When Women Had Tails”, but at least that one has copious nudity. This one just has Ringo Starr grunting. And he can’t even do that well. Just goes to show the Beatles knew what they were doing when they stuck him in the background.

Neanderthals: You can tell the degree to which an anthropologist is pretentious by asking them to pronounce this word. “Nee-and-er-thall” means that they’re normal. “Nee-and-er-tahl” means that they’re a preening ass. Go on, try it. It’s fun!

Laff A-Lympics: Poisonous concoction of Commie-Doo and Captain Caveman, I’m surprised this didn’t destroy the minds of a generation. Oh, wait, it did. The argument for censorship pretty much begins and ends with this piece of tripe.