Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Bush Helping Democrats

President Bush revealed backchannel communications with Democrats today, saying he’s helping them to understand the national security situation in case one of them wins the election next year.

In order to make things simple, he has started off with a brainteaser, his aides said. The puzzle, reprinted below, is a dot-to-dot:

“Connect the dots: The #1 sponsor of terror in the world and sworn enemy of the US for almost 30 years is this country:


After completing the puzzle, John Edwards immediately promised a hasty surrender to “whoever is in charge of Tpbr” in accordance with the will of his defeatist masters. Elizabeth Edwards also said “Dick Cheney is a mother-@%*$&! son of a @%*$.”

Barack Obama looked forward to meeting with the leader of this mysterious country called 8888, which he said he’d never heard of, and “hopes that by dialogue we can reach an understanding where all our hopes can be hopefully obtained.” Obama also said he hoped that the leader of 8888 was a brutal dictator, since those are “the kind of leaders I like to cozy up to.”

Hillary Clinton threatened that if her comments were reprinted Bill would not be available for interview, nor would his impressive collection of stag party films be loaned out for private screenings to the offending parties.

Some other democrats were rumored to be running for president, but since they have a profile lower than a snail under a steamroller it really doesn’t seem necessary to quote them.