Monday, December 10, 2007

Ultimate Hollywood Bomb

As long as Hollywood is greenlighting movies that are destined to be ultimate failures, I would like to propose one of my own, a special-effects-heavy, dialogue-driven, anti-war movie with heavy salary burdens (maybe 200 million):

Droopy Goes to Gitmo

A live-action re-imagining of everyone’s favorite depressed pooch. Droopy is arrested in New York City by the Federal Department of Homeland Security on “Suspicion to Spread Rabies” and deported to a secret Animal Control compound on Easter Island, where he is vigorously interrogated by officials using questionable methods, including the infamous collarboarding technique. An intrepid journalist and a married couple of Scientologist missionaries try to get him freed, but are ultimately thwarted by a sinister conspiracy led by the Vice President himself. In the final scene, Droopy is led into a gas chamber and put to death by the grey-clad, jackbooted thugs that run the hellish prison, and his limp body is dumped beneath one of the many heads that dot the island.

Directed by Michael Moore
Original Screenplay by Brian DePalma

Starring Dustin Hoffman as Droopy
With Jane Fonda as reporter Judy Truthseeker,
Tom Cruise as Mr. Goodman,
And Katie Holmes as Mrs. Anita Beard-Goodman

Also Starring
Rip Torn as Warden Adolf H. Gutspiller
Paul Reubens as Vice President Chimpy McHitlerburten
Sean Penn as the cool assassin Nick Bullett
Barbara Streisand as Tress Pureheart, who is searching for her dog

Special Guest Appearance by
George Clooney as Top Cat, who unsuccessfully tries to help Droopy escape

1 comment:

Steve Burri said...

Produced by Nick Saban?

Financed by Mark Cuban?

Distribution on private jets by Al Gore?

Two thumbs up... up WHERE?