Thursday, December 20, 2007

Please make it stop!

I read with horror a brief synopsis of the upcoming bomb GI Joe: The Movie. I make no secret of the fact that I'm a big fan of the franchise. Here's what the article says about the new Joe team:
This latest version has G.I. JOE, which stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, as an international force of operatives set in Brussels.

I guess the biggest problem they'll be tackling is that COBRA has stolen their testicles.

I mean, honestly: Brussels? Geez, you could conquer Brussels with one of the lamer Joes, like Breaker or Shipwreck. I bet Snake-Eyes alone could conquer most of Europe. What are they doing in Brussels, trolling for discount marijuana? Signing the EU charter? Helping form a government?

I've got an idea: in an era with million-dollar anti-war flops, why not go totally contrarian and make a super-patriotic, totally serious, US Agents kick terrorist ass film? You might make enough money that you could afford to make ten Redacteds and blow off the 500-million dollar loss!

What's next, an eco-terrorist Captain America?

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