Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Top-Ranked Democrat Admits Surge Has Failed

One of the top-ranked Democrats today admitted that the much-ballyhooed ‘surge’ strategy, begun in early 2007, has failed to produce the results or meet benchmarks that were set by Democratic leadership, and openly questioned whether or not the party could reasonably sustain their mission past 2008.

“It’s an utter failure,” said Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House. “We greatly increased our presence in both the upper and lower parts of Congress, but other than a symbolic minimum-wage increase we’ve been unable to really accomplish anything of note. Well, other than a corrupt ethical reform, but I think people knew that we weren’t going to deliver on that.”

She also admitted that being outmaneuvered by a lame-duck president time and again has damaged their credibility. “I think our voters expect us to have certain savoir-faire, and we just haven’t had that yet. It’s galling to our supporters to have a man so widely derided as a cretin to outflank, out-think, and outrun us time and again, on a variety of issues. If you call the opposition an idiot enough times, and still can’t come out on top, then what does that say about you?”

Observers said that the Democrats might consider a radical leadership change. “Just as a new general brought surprising results to Iraq, one has to wonder if a new leader for the Democrats might bring better results. For example, replacing Harry Reid with a Tickle-Me Elmo Doll. At least Elmo’s not got a track record of defeatism, obstructionism, and shady land deals.”

One Democratic Party Official who spoke on condition of anonymity said the problem was reality. “Listen, we call ourselves the reality-based party, and the reality is that we were wrong about a great many things. That, and the fact that our leaders are idiots, might really cripple us when it comes election time next year.”

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