Friday, December 7, 2007

Bush Declares Himself Competence Neutral

President Bush today defended his recent mortgage bailouts, saying that they were necessary to keep his presidency Competence Neutral. He said that aggressive moves were necessary to counter recent strides in the Middle East.

"When Iraq was bad, I could always say that at least the economy seemed to be going pretty good. Now that Iraq has improved, I felt that I needed to screw up the economy a little bit. It's important to get some competence offsets and keep my overall performance neutral."

Observers said that this was normal for a President entering the end of his term. "This is when a lot of presidents start thinking about their legacy, like when Bill Clinton started ripping through interns at an alarming pace, and when Nixon started burning evidence. Bush just wants to make sure that when people remember him, they don't really have any idea what the hell he was thinking."

"Think about it," Press Secretary Dana Perino said in a press conference. "Harriet Meyers versus John Roberts. Fumbling around in Iraq versus the Surge. Firing Rumsfeld and losing both houses of congress versus outmaneuvering the Democrats on every major issue this year. And now, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong to tank the economy in an ill-advised move after allowing the economy to grow and create jobs, like he's totally ignorant of the way that economics works. This is all part of the President's strategy to be as frustrating and confusing as possible."

Asked if he had any future plans, Bush said "We've got another year to really screw some stuff up if things get too good, so watch out!"

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