Monster Conference Ends in Disunity

The IPGM-Sponsored conference in Abandoned Monster Nest Resort ended in catastrophe this afternoon, with delegates departing under a cloud of suspicion and recrimination which is likely to hamper future efforts to combat the growing threat of Giant Monster Attack.

The conference got off to a very good start, with members recognizing China for its part in increasing public awareness of Giant Monster Attack.

“We’ve been very happy about the increasing amount of attention that China has paid to the threat of GMA,” said the EU delegate Jacques de Conard. “Although their public works projects have led to several giant monster attacks, particularly the regrettable Biollante incident in early June, they’ve shown that they want to discuss GMA in a realistic way.”

New Australian delegate Nancy Spineless said that the Rudd government is serious about halting GMA risks. “We know that the primary GMA activities, mining, grave-digging, and teenage partying, must be minimized or eliminated altogether. Our government received a mandate from the people to reverse course on this, and we’ve committed to aggressive targets that will bring us in line by 2040.”

However, the mood of the conference became hostile as soon as the American delegation protested an ambitious program sponsored by the UN which would use funds levied from developed countries to fund giant robot mothras in less-developed regions of the world.

The American negotiator, a black-hearted knave named John Boltonioni, said “It’s not realistic to think that the Americans will subsidize a forty-foot titanium moth for China, while they continue to antagonize every single giant monster they can find. It’s only a matter of time before we have to mobilize our navy to stop a giant dragon that they dug up and let go.”

The Chinese delegation refuted criticisms of its policy, saying that more developed countries should help impoverished peoples of the world. “In China we worry about food and shelter. It is not our fault that the best oil and gemstones lay in ancient dragon burial grounds. The US must buy us Robo-Mothra to protect our lead-export toy business.”

“Just because the US is the biggest, most successful country in the world doesn’t mean that they’re typically right. They’re just being stubborn,” said de Conard. “We want to protect the world from giant monsters, and they’re whining about how it will cost them economically. This is about saving humanity, not a few dollars.”

One of the keynote speakers, ESPY winner and former US Vice President John K. Mondale, said he was disappointed in the attitude of the US delegation. “It’s time for Americans to stand up and be counted, and take actions against this stark threat to the future of our planet. If we don’t get serious on GMA right now, we’ll all be dead before next Christmas.”