News from the Future

(Note: Living as I do near the Hadron Collider, I expected strange things to occur once they'd fired that thing up. And lo and behold, I have started receiving e-mail updates of news from the future, just like that show Early Edition except with a lot bigger audience. So I'm going to pass along to you my news updates from the future.)

Two Arrested in Blockbuster Sting

Police in Brooklyn Heights stormed a Blockbuster Video last night, arresting the owner and two clerks on charges of distributing insensitive and harmful materials in violation of the 2009 Racial Reconciliation and Respect Act. Officers seized all DVD and videotape copies of four films, each of which was on the RRRA list of Socially Unacceptable Films.

The seized videos included the notorious Any Which Way but Loose, the Clint Eastwood comedy whose 30th anniversary re-release sparked riots due to its unflattering portrait of minorities.

Also taken in the raid were both the 1933 and 2007 versions of King Kong, as well as the Diane Fossey biopic Gorillas in the Mist. At the Cannes film festival earlier this year, director Peter Jackson apologized for his 2007 remake, calling it "a movie that in many ways is equally as vile as Birth of a Nation."

The search warrant also called for seizure of the 1976 King Kong remake starring Jessica Lange, but store records indicated that the no customer had ever rented the movie and any remaining copies of it were unable to be located.

Illinois Senator Al Sharpton, one of the authors of the RRRA, praised the action for coming "at a critical time for these United States as we attempt to heal the divisive wounds of racism by becoming more sensitive, more trusting, and ever more responsive to calls for censorship and blandidity in the name of harmony and unhurt feelings."