The intertubes are all abuzz with the latest from the NFL, namely the coming shift to an 18-game season and dropping two preseason games. The consensus among sportswriters, their commenters, and drooling idiots (but I repeat myself) is something along these lines:
"Good, because charging full price for preseason games is a total ripoff, man. Those games totally suck!"
Let me be blunt: the NFL will charge whatever they want for the preseason games, and so long as somebody pays it, it's not too much, and the price is not a rip-off. If you feel spending for preseason games is a waste of money, use the tried-and-true method that other consumers use with the Shamwow, New Coke, and the Segway Scooter: don't buy the damn thing.
But please, spare me the faux-populist outrage against "exorbitant" ticket prices. For one thing, most of the simpering nimrods doing the bitching can't even spell exorbitant. For another, nobody forces you to go to preseason games. In fact, if they suck so bad, you should be thankful to have a reason not to attend.
If the NFL started auctioning off used jock straps (complete with ball sweat!) on E-Bay, I'd not only steer clear but have to clean my E-Bay account with bleach. But you know that some wannabe's somewhere is willing to pay $110 plus shipping and handling for a used TO jock strap. Maybe even more if it was worn in a big game, or had authentic "battle stains" on it.
And that is right, and good, and the natural state of capitalism. Exercising our economic liberty to make stupid choices about sporting events and memorabilia is a form of freedom, and we should encourage people to do that.
Because freedom in abundance is never a bad thing.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
REVEALED: Obama is Rovian Plant!
An explosive new expose set to publish next week will reveal that, far from the starry-eyed newcomer he poses as, Barack Obama is actually a Manchurian candidate cooked up by none other than longtime Conservative blackguard Karl Rove. While White House officials have scoffed at the allegations, some Democrats have privately admitted that they had begun to suspect this themselves.
"Cozying up with lobbyists? Putting the deficit on steroids? Trying to re-establish the welfare benefits that were discredited in the mid-90s? It's been clear a long time that something's not right with Barack Obama," said one Democratic senator. "The only thing he could do worse is get distracted with some side issue, anger our critical allies, and have half his nominees withdraw in disgrace. Oh, wait!"
Among the charges the book makes are that President Obama:
-Is obsessed with making Rush Limbaugh the pre-eminent voice on television and radio, thus ensuring that the Conservative message is heard by as many people as possible
-Intended to thoroughly discredit the traditional press as starry-eyed and naïve, by first sweeping them off their feet and then by treating them like a sophomore on prom night, leaving them puffy-eyed and sore-assed
-Staffed his cabinet with the worst caricatures of liberal excesses, from anti-Semitism to rampant hypocrisy to a total disregard for basic tax law
-Has not been criticized by George Bush not because the former president respects tradition and the honor of the office, but rather because Bush knows that Rove is really the one pulling the strings of the Obama administration
-Sleeps in Star Trek pajamas
-Wanted to revive Democrat's image as "tax-and-spend liberals" by acting as a tax-and-spend liberal
Calls to Rove's sinister subterranean lair for comment were not returned, likely because the peals of his sinister laugh were echoing off its cacophonous ceiling.
"Cozying up with lobbyists? Putting the deficit on steroids? Trying to re-establish the welfare benefits that were discredited in the mid-90s? It's been clear a long time that something's not right with Barack Obama," said one Democratic senator. "The only thing he could do worse is get distracted with some side issue, anger our critical allies, and have half his nominees withdraw in disgrace. Oh, wait!"
Among the charges the book makes are that President Obama:
-Is obsessed with making Rush Limbaugh the pre-eminent voice on television and radio, thus ensuring that the Conservative message is heard by as many people as possible
-Intended to thoroughly discredit the traditional press as starry-eyed and naïve, by first sweeping them off their feet and then by treating them like a sophomore on prom night, leaving them puffy-eyed and sore-assed
-Staffed his cabinet with the worst caricatures of liberal excesses, from anti-Semitism to rampant hypocrisy to a total disregard for basic tax law
-Has not been criticized by George Bush not because the former president respects tradition and the honor of the office, but rather because Bush knows that Rove is really the one pulling the strings of the Obama administration
-Sleeps in Star Trek pajamas
-Wanted to revive Democrat's image as "tax-and-spend liberals" by acting as a tax-and-spend liberal
Calls to Rove's sinister subterranean lair for comment were not returned, likely because the peals of his sinister laugh were echoing off its cacophonous ceiling.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
News from the Future
(Note: Living as I do near the Hadron Collider, I expected strange things to occur once they'd fired that thing up. And lo and behold, I have started receiving e-mail updates of news from the future, just like that show Early Edition except with a lot bigger audience. So I'm going to pass along to you my news updates from the future.)
Bailout Czar Biden Buys Detroit Lions
Vice President and Bailout Czar Joe Biden today instructed the Treasury Department to purchase the Detroit Lions from the Ford family, which has seen its fortune dissipate with the bankruptcy of their automotive company. The government purchased a 51% stake in the ownership of the team, which just set an NFL record for worst season at 0-16 last year, for $628 million.
"This one's a guaranteed winner," Biden told reporters at his daily State of the Bailout news conference. "The NFL is the number one sports franchise in America, and now the US taxpayer has a piece of that pie. This is one investment that Americans can be sure will pay off in the long run!"
Biden has been criticized in recent weeks for a string of investments that have quickly lost almost all of their value, including an ice-cream delivery service targeting remote Inuit seal hunters and a speculative real estate investment in a beachfront condominium resort located on the Kansas-Nebraska border. In both instances the Treasury department has had to write off the entire bailout investment as a loss.
"We're gonna move 'em to DC, too. With the boom going on, the administration felt we needed another sports franchise," Biden told reporters, alluding to the 250% population explosion that has been seen in recent months as the applicants have flooded Washington to snap up nearly 100,000 federal jobs created by the Obama administration.
For the near future the team will share facilities with the other Washington NFL franchise, the Washington First Americans of Noble Mien. Americans owner Daniel Snyder said that he was "excited to be part of this great new experiment at sharing and getting along" and pledged full cooperation with the new NFL franchise, which will be rechristened the Washington Hope.
Now that the government has a controlling interest in an NFL team, President Obama announced that he is "vigorously pursuing the appointment of a Football Czar to help bring NFL standards and practices into line with this country's values and traditions."
The president specifically mentioned concerns over injuries and long-term benefits for NFL retirees, an increase in the number of minority coaches, GMS, and owners, and granting cheerleaders greater access to labor organization.
Bailout Czar Biden Buys Detroit Lions
Vice President and Bailout Czar Joe Biden today instructed the Treasury Department to purchase the Detroit Lions from the Ford family, which has seen its fortune dissipate with the bankruptcy of their automotive company. The government purchased a 51% stake in the ownership of the team, which just set an NFL record for worst season at 0-16 last year, for $628 million.
"This one's a guaranteed winner," Biden told reporters at his daily State of the Bailout news conference. "The NFL is the number one sports franchise in America, and now the US taxpayer has a piece of that pie. This is one investment that Americans can be sure will pay off in the long run!"
Biden has been criticized in recent weeks for a string of investments that have quickly lost almost all of their value, including an ice-cream delivery service targeting remote Inuit seal hunters and a speculative real estate investment in a beachfront condominium resort located on the Kansas-Nebraska border. In both instances the Treasury department has had to write off the entire bailout investment as a loss.
"We're gonna move 'em to DC, too. With the boom going on, the administration felt we needed another sports franchise," Biden told reporters, alluding to the 250% population explosion that has been seen in recent months as the applicants have flooded Washington to snap up nearly 100,000 federal jobs created by the Obama administration.
For the near future the team will share facilities with the other Washington NFL franchise, the Washington First Americans of Noble Mien. Americans owner Daniel Snyder said that he was "excited to be part of this great new experiment at sharing and getting along" and pledged full cooperation with the new NFL franchise, which will be rechristened the Washington Hope.
Now that the government has a controlling interest in an NFL team, President Obama announced that he is "vigorously pursuing the appointment of a Football Czar to help bring NFL standards and practices into line with this country's values and traditions."
The president specifically mentioned concerns over injuries and long-term benefits for NFL retirees, an increase in the number of minority coaches, GMS, and owners, and granting cheerleaders greater access to labor organization.
Monday, March 2, 2009
News from the Future
(Note: Living as I do near the Hadron Collider, I expected strange things to occur once they'd fired that thing up. And lo and behold, I have started receiving e-mail updates of news from the future, just like that show Early Edition except with a lot bigger audience. So I'm going to pass along to you my news updates from the future.)
Two Arrested in Blockbuster Sting
Police in Brooklyn Heights stormed a Blockbuster Video last night, arresting the owner and two clerks on charges of distributing insensitive and harmful materials in violation of the 2009 Racial Reconciliation and Respect Act. Officers seized all DVD and videotape copies of four films, each of which was on the RRRA list of Socially Unacceptable Films.
The seized videos included the notorious Any Which Way but Loose, the Clint Eastwood comedy whose 30th anniversary re-release sparked riots due to its unflattering portrait of minorities.
Also taken in the raid were both the 1933 and 2007 versions of King Kong, as well as the Diane Fossey biopic Gorillas in the Mist. At the Cannes film festival earlier this year, director Peter Jackson apologized for his 2007 remake, calling it "a movie that in many ways is equally as vile as Birth of a Nation."
The search warrant also called for seizure of the 1976 King Kong remake starring Jessica Lange, but store records indicated that the no customer had ever rented the movie and any remaining copies of it were unable to be located.
Illinois Senator Al Sharpton, one of the authors of the RRRA, praised the action for coming "at a critical time for these United States as we attempt to heal the divisive wounds of racism by becoming more sensitive, more trusting, and ever more responsive to calls for censorship and blandidity in the name of harmony and unhurt feelings."
Two Arrested in Blockbuster Sting
Police in Brooklyn Heights stormed a Blockbuster Video last night, arresting the owner and two clerks on charges of distributing insensitive and harmful materials in violation of the 2009 Racial Reconciliation and Respect Act. Officers seized all DVD and videotape copies of four films, each of which was on the RRRA list of Socially Unacceptable Films.
The seized videos included the notorious Any Which Way but Loose, the Clint Eastwood comedy whose 30th anniversary re-release sparked riots due to its unflattering portrait of minorities.
Also taken in the raid were both the 1933 and 2007 versions of King Kong, as well as the Diane Fossey biopic Gorillas in the Mist. At the Cannes film festival earlier this year, director Peter Jackson apologized for his 2007 remake, calling it "a movie that in many ways is equally as vile as Birth of a Nation."
The search warrant also called for seizure of the 1976 King Kong remake starring Jessica Lange, but store records indicated that the no customer had ever rented the movie and any remaining copies of it were unable to be located.
Illinois Senator Al Sharpton, one of the authors of the RRRA, praised the action for coming "at a critical time for these United States as we attempt to heal the divisive wounds of racism by becoming more sensitive, more trusting, and ever more responsive to calls for censorship and blandidity in the name of harmony and unhurt feelings."
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