Will badmouth for traffic!

Following this graph posted by Bill Hobbes about traffic at Katherine Coble's website, and pursuant to my public and forestated goals, I would like it to be known that this blogspace is available to bad-mouth, slander, harass, libel, or otherwise disturb any prominent individuals who would be willing to publicly threaten and harass me in order to increase my traffic.

And as an added bonus, I am happy to provide the following "starter attacks" for you to choose from! Choose from such exciting, exotic character attacks as:

• Intimate relationship with a goat
• Stole money from a retirement community via rigged macarena contests
• Embezzled crack money from a children's charity
• Arrested in Wendy's parking lot driving naked
• Starting cult of personality
• Caught manscaping in public restroom (for men or women!)
• Was born a hermaphrodite
• Seal hunts without a license
• Real name is Jamie Rumpcheeks
• Caught cruising Piggly-Wiggly looking for discount prostitutes

And many, many more! Just send me an e-mail and I'll get to work on your personally written attack post today!