Britney Spears to Release Sex Tape

Britney Spears’ publicist today announced that the troubled star would be releasing a lesbian sex tape in the near future to bolster her sagging career. According to Publicist Meg Bouche, Spears hopes the tape will do for her image what sex tapes have done for stars such as Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson.

“If someone without talent or looks like Paris Hilton can stay in the public eye just because of one sex tape, surely a Britney Spears lesbian sex tape will lead to a career on par with Julia Roberts, or if not, at least on par with Joan Rivers.”

Bouche did acknowledge that casting concerns were causing problems with making the tape. Spears has demanded that the other lead not be more talented than she is, which had made finding a counterpart more difficult.

Spears said “I want the tape to be about me, not a vehicle for somebody like Lindsay Lohan or one of the Olsen twins. I would have done a traditional sex tape with Sanjaya after he’d been kicked off of American Idol, but when I heard him sing I knew that he was too talented also. And Carmen Electra blew me off, which is really strange, because her career’s been in the toilet a lot longer than mine has.”

Referencing another Baywatch star, Spears hinted that she’d wanted to try to convince David Hasslehoff to star, given his reputation for making hits out of seeming disasters, but the producers disagreed. “They didn’t want two bald stars.”

Asked about open auditions, Bouche was hesitant. “There’s this demand that the person not be more talented than Britney, so I just don’t think plucking people at random is going to work.”