Math, Diversity, and Colgate

I read this report (via Volokh Conspiracy and Instapundit) on Colgate’s goal of diversifying their staff and their stated desire to place diversity above the subfield specialties of prospective professors. It caught my attention because it betrays a fundamental flaw in logic that afflicts many pundits on areas of race and diversity today; namely, a lack of any sort of acquaintance with math.

They say that they’ve seen “the percentage of minority faculty members rise to about 20 percent, with the percentage of women topping 40 percent,” apparently before putting this plan into action (it's not entirely clear in the report). They seem to assume that this is bad, thus the need to reorganize their priorities. But is it bad?

It turns out that when you discuss diversity, there’s a powerful tool available to help you know the diversity of the United States: it’s called the US census. And if you’re a US college, I’ll assume (perhaps wrongly!) that you would like to reflect the US population when you say you want “diversity”. In that way, your professors will reflect your basic student body, thus being diverse enough to be welcoming to the average student.

Now, then, what does the census tell us about race? Well, it says that 75% of people identify themselves as “white.” So 20% “minority” (non-white) professors is really not too bad. I leave aside the long discussion of degree rates between minorities and whites, which I'm not qualified to discuss, and the hair-splitting of which particular minority (black, asian, etcetera) we're addressing.

We can also find, for comparison purposes, a study at Penn about diversity among faculty. They said that their minority professorship was something like 13%. So I’ll conclude that Colgate is doing fairly well in this area, with some room for improvement.

What about women? Well, women make up 51% of society (according to the census). So 40% is way too low, right? Not exactly. Again, the census (on page 11) tells us that the female participation in the labor force is about 60%. So if only 60% of available women work, and only 51% of the population ins female, then we’d expect that at universities the teachers should be 31%.

WAIT! Aren’t females over-represented in teaching? Yes, they are. But at the peak of the profession, shouldn’t we see a gender ratio that is more representative of society as a whole? The outcome of the over-representation of women as teachers means that at Colgate they are over-represented by 1/3, where they have 40% women instead of the 30% we expected.

However, Colgate has decided it has a “problem” with diversity, so Lyle Roelofs will take steps to address it. And his suggesetion is this: degrade the value of acquirable competencies, and increase the value of non-acquirable preferences.

This is wrong. It is wrongly thought, wrongly reasoned, and wrongly enacted. If the college seeks someone who can teach the 18th century reflection of Shakespeare, prospective applicants can learn this as a competency. We choose competencies all the time, regardless of our race, sex, gender, or etcetera. It’s how we make ourselves more marketable.

But if Colgate seeks someone who is a minority, there’s nothing that non-minorities can do. If Colgate seeks a woman, then no males need apply. We’ve already done away with this system when it existed in the reverse, where employers searched for non-minorities and men. Do we need to go through the exercise a second time? Did we not learn enough the first pass?

This plan is discrimination; certainly enacted for a noble goal, but its discrimination nonetheless. And to dress it up otherwise requires mental gymnastics that one rarely finds outside of academia.

Further, the report states that “But as a small liberal arts university in a rural setting, Colgate has a hard time holding on to minority professors — and so needs to keep hiring them as well as trying to encourage more of them to make their careers at the university.”

I would presume a small liberal arts university in a rural setting would have a hard time holding onto any professors, not just the minorities. But if this statement is true, then their 20% minorities is exceptional and they are to be commended.

Instead they’re concerned and preparing to enact unequal measures.

Only in a university setting would a group find a problem that doesn’t really exist (lack of diversity), then in order to solve it take the most hypocritical route to get there (discrimination).

Colgate needs to think again about what the whole purpose of their college is, which they spell out in the first paragraph of their way-too-long mission statement:

Colgate's mission is to provide a demanding, expansive, educational experience to a select group of diverse, talented, intellectually sophisticated students who are capable of challenging themselves, their peers, and their teachers in a setting that brings together living and learning. The purpose of the University is to develop wise, thoughtful, critical thinkers and perceptive leaders by challenging young men and women to fulfill their potential through residence in a community that values intellectual rigor and respects the complexity of human understanding.

How best to do this? Hire the best teachers, who know the subject, being sure that you don’t hire all people “like you” and reflect society at large. In that order, please. Any other order betrays the mission and the whole purpose of being a college in the first place.

And maybe some basic math and internet search classes might help the critical thinkers that wrote the report, too.

Pelosi: Mission Accomplished

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today declared “Mission Accomplished” in the Democrats’ bid to re-make the so-called “Culture of Corruption” in Washington.

“For too long the American people have sat back and watched Republicans and their lobbyist friends funnel money to businesses and special interests!” She said at a triumphant dinner in a posh five-star restaurant in Tahiti for the House Select Committee on Postal Reform. “Over the past five months we’ve managed to change everything. Now all those slush funds and lobbyist dollars and secret transactions are controlled by Democrats, not Republicans, and it’s our friends who are getting the dirty money, not theirs!”

The crowd of representatives and senators was jubilant at her message. “I’m proud of Nancy and the transformative role she’s played in all this,” said Senator Dianne Feinstein. “Times past, I had to be really secretive about funneling money to my husband’s company because there were all sorts of Republicans in line in front of me to take kickbacks. But now, not only can I do it more openly I’ve been put in charge of the Rules Committee, so I pretty much have a blank check.”

“I admire her brazenness,” said Republican lawmaker Randy “Duke” Cunningham from federal prison. “I took money from lobbyists as discreetly as possible because I was afraid of getting caught. She declares that she’s going to change the culture of corruption, apparently to make it more blatant, and that’s sure what she does.”

“From now on no Democratic lawmaker will be afraid to take kickbacks, pander to our countries’ enemies in violation of federal law, or be hopelessly incompetent!” Pelosi said. “We have a place in our party for disbarred judges: that’s the judiciary committee. We have a place for those who know security: somewhere other than Homeland Security. We have a place for those who rig land deals in their home state and surrender in the middle of a war that we’re winning: Senate Majority Leader. What the Republicans did in miniature, we will do on a scale that is breathtaking for its arrogance and incompetence. We will be a congress to remember!”

Lawmakers said they looked forward to returning to Washington to submit their expense reports for the fully-funded trip, which was only attended by Democrats because of “scheduling problems” for any lawmaker from a party representing a party that started with the letters N through Z.

Another Carnival of Satire!

The Carnival of Satire is up, and I am proud to be among its illustrious members. Whatever you do, don't miss this post about ways to get attention online.

Crow’s in the Corn

Environmentalist and retired singer Sheryl Crow today announced that she had agreed to become the spokeswoman for the National Corn Alliance (NCA) and Pfister, with the goal to “reform the way Americans drive, eat, and keep their butts clean.”

Speaking at a press conference in Los Angeles, recently named America’s most polluted city, Crow told reporters that Pfisterand the NCA both had products she very strongly believed in. “The NCA has been a leading actor in biofuels from corn products, and I feel very strongly that they are the wave of the future. And Pfister is the United States’ #1 producer of bidets, which the more environmentally responsible Europeans have long been using as a way to reduce the consumption of toilet paper and thus save the planet.”

Crow expanded her vision for how Americans should go to the bathroom. “Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. Right now we fill our cars with gas and wipe our butts with a lot of paper. But with the advent of ethanol, instead of gas you’d buy corn from your local 7-11. Then you’d scrape the kernels into your gas tank as fuel for the car, and take the cob into your bathroom. When you’d done your business, you’d use your bidet, with the cob there for that occasionally stubborn mess that just won’t wash out. There’s no more paper used, there’s no more gas used, and everybody in the whole world lives in harmony and happiness. And after they dry, cobs are very absorbent, with only occasional chafing.”

Pfister Faucets spokesman Ronny Tapp said they were pleased to have Crow as spokeswoman. “We feel very strongly that those houses that don’t have bidets should buy one immediately, and that Miss Crow is a brilliant thinker whose ideas must be heard, accepted, and passed into law as soon as possible.”

When asked what she thought following Crow’s comments, NCA spokeswoman Sherry Silkear said only “We hope people buy more corn, but I’d rather not go into the particulars.”

Crow offered to demonstrate her procedure for what she called Cob-assisted Removal of Waste, or the CROW system, but the reporters present declined. She also said she plans on a remake of ‘All I Wanna Do’ with the chorus

‘All I wanno do, is wipe with cob,
to keep my butt clean, even though it throbs,
All I wanna do, is wipe with cob,
After I’ve cleaned myself with a bidet like a frog.’

Crow said she was hoping not only to make people more environmentally responsible, but hopefully also reclaim some spark for her moribund career.

I feel dirty

Okay, I’m a little slow up on the uptake, but suddenly it occurs to me that the SportsGal, who is getting more and more prominently featured on ESPN.com with her Bachelor updates, is pushing a show that is aired by ABC, which is owned by Disney, which also owns ESPN. I feel dirty now.

It’s not that I mind a little cross-promotion, and I understand the importance to media companies to enhance the brand. But I think what we’re seeing is a serious ethics problem at this network. Don’t believe me? I present the following evidence:

1 - ESPN enters into a reality-show agreement with Barry Bonds at the same time it reports on him as he pursues the home run record.
2 - Commentators simply disappear, with no word at all, whether for reason of harassment (Harold Reynolds) or criticism (Jason Whitlock).
3 - Suddenly there’s an upsurge in coverage of the AFL, conveniently timed with the purchase by ESPN of a share in the league. Also, ESPN’s exact share of the AFL has never been divulged, that I know of. Is it 49%, 25%, what? If you don't think this is a problem, think back how ESPN gleefully smothered the XFL in its infancy.
4 - Suddenly there’s a downsurge of interest in Hockey, conveniently timed with the expiration of their coverage. Okay, Hockey has also smothered itself with a strike, so maybe this isn't a big deal.
5 - Wall-to-wall NASCAR coverage, conveniently timed with a new deal with the racing league.
6 - A popular radio host (Colin Cowherd) plagiarizes material from one website and maliciously shuts down another with nary a hint of punishment, excepting an admonishment from a powerless ombudsman.
7 - Sportsgal gets prominently featured in their most popular columnists’ most popular columns about their most popular subject, then gets her own column to gush about sister network ABC’s show, with nary a disclaimer in sight!

This isn’t stuff that’s happened over the last ten years. This stuff all happened recently. That’s a semi-serious ethics problem or ethical headscratcher occurring about once every two months.

If ESPN were operated by truly ethical people, they would have taken each of these situations a little differently. Maybe it’s not a good idea for ESPN commentators to own parts of teams they report on, and maybe it’s not a good idea for ESPN to own parts of the leagues. Maybe ESPN owes fans of departed commentators some kind of signal about what happened. Maybe they should stick a disclaimer on the SportsGal Bachelor updates that they’re part of the same company. Maybe Cowherd deserves serious discipline for his antisocial behavior, not just a public scolding from the ombudsman. Maybe entering into partnership with one of the most reviled athletes in sports while trying to cover him objectively during a steroids scandal is not a good idea.

Each situation alone is pretty minor, but added up they look pretty damning. To me it appears that ESPN’s moral compass is currently stuck on “Corrupt”, and nobody there seems to care.

TMQ Mental Health Watch

I’m worried about Gregg Easterbrook, the writer of Tuesday Morning Quarterback (also called TMQ). I’ve been a fan of Easterbrook for a long time, since his first tour of duty with ESPN.com. I followed him to NFL.com when he went into the wilderness, and I’ve followed him back to ESPN.com in his second incarnation. TMQ mixes the NFL and social commentary in a way that nothing else does, with a dash of theology and physics thrown in from time to time.

I feel that Easterbrook is probably one of the more intelligent men writing about Sports today, an accomplished and talented man who is always a delight to read. He runs on for several thousand words, but so do I, and with far less reason. Politically I’d say he’s probably libertarian, and is pro-stripper and anti-gambling, both positions I can agree with.

Last fall (I think), he threw in an aside about how the USA was responsible for what happened in Iraq and how we, as a people, were morally responsible for each death there because we had invaded. I wasn’t totally agreed with the way he framed it (and I don’t remember it very specifically, so I may have misrepresented what he said). Then in a later column he snapped at Ken Mehlman, chairman of the RNC, for the infamous “Playboy Mansion” ad against Democrat Harold Ford, calling Mehlman a nasty name (something about a reptile or being reptilian) and implying that this was standard Republican dirty tricks.

The ridiculousness of that comment was overwhelming; having had the joy to watch both Ford and Corker's ads, I can honestly say that both were negative, bottom-of-the-barrel stuff that was insulting to the intelligence of the viewer. They jumped in mud and started slinging. To single out one or the other, and act as if they were more aggrieved, is simply wishful thinking.

In today’s TMQ, on the draft, he works in one of the beloved canards of the left, saying that in 1979 Ronald Reagan was “still just a washed-up actor” when the original Battlestar Galactica crew reached Earth. Not exactly: in 1979 Reagan had been governor of California twice, from 1967-1975, had pursued the Presidency in 1976 and almost unseated sitting president Gerald Ford for the Republican nomination. Washed-up actor may have been on his resume, but he was hardly “still just” a washed-up actor. Easterbrook’s old enough to know better than to toss that little gem out there.

What worries me is this: I don’t care if Easterbrook is a Republican or Democrat or Green Party or whatever. But when he makes these comments, he begins to betray lazy thinking and flawed analysis. And I read Easterbrook because of the sharp thinking and insight he brings to the topic at hand. Not just the football, either: his analysis of other subjects is often clear and concise, and he has good insights into society, politics, law, and anything else he sets his hand to.

Comments like this make me wonder if he’s starting to let politics drive his brain, when it should be the other way around. I don’t know if that was part of the deal with ESPN to get back on the site; maybe he has to throw in the occasional liberal talking point to make his ABC masters happy. But I do know that I worry that his reason, which is the whole point of reading 5000 words of TMQ in the first place, slips when he makes comments like these.

Massive Rift in Republican Blogosphere

Champaign corks were flying over at Daily Kos this week on the revelation that Dean Barnett, Hugh Hewitt’s lapdog and known Christianist front man, had fired a salvo across the bows of a popular conservative political commentator commonly known as the Captain, aka Ed Morrissey.

Apparently upset by the wit and wisdom of the much-revered Captain, and with his own position as Hugh’s fill-and and surrogate clearly in danger, Barnett orchestrated the banning of the Captain from the comments section on Townhall. Barnett kept his hands clean by having one of his Townhall brownshirts do the actual banning, but his greasy fingerprints on the action were as clear as Karl Rove’s on Florida ballots.

The Captain did not take the banning lightly, sending a polite but clear letter to Dean challenging him to state his reasons. In typical sophomoric fashion Dean replied by dismissing the Captain outright by hoping “our virtual door hit him in his virtual derriere on his way out”.

No public word yet from the Captain, who is taking the high road on his own blog and has not mentioned the controversy. But it clearly shows the strains in the Rethuglikkkan Hit Machine that mastermind Karl Rove cannot hold his lackeys together and they resort to this type of infighting. Having to plan for a 2008 matchup with a Democratic party that presents weak candidates, incompetent leadership, and corrupt reformers has clearly fractured the GOP beyond repair.

Only time will tell who benefits from this schism more, Daily Kos, the democrats, or the United States of America.

(Author’s note: If you don’t know who Captain’s Quarters or Dean Barnett are, this won’t make much sense, and I apologize. But I thought it was funny. See Barnett’s post here for the inspiration for this.)

The Mother Goose Code

Could Mother Goose have been a real person, who not only predicted Napoleon’s defeat at Waterloo and Hitler’s rise to power, but also the winner of the 2008 presidential campaign? Most would say no, but at a press conference in Paris today archeologists said that was in fact the case.

After two years, a team of scientists has finally completed translating the last of the nearly 500-year-old documents found beneath the Paris church of St. Denys-sur-Seine during excavation for the extension of the Paris subway in 2005. The documents, also called the “Mother Goose Prophecies,” have achieved international fame for detailing the mysterious figure known only in nursery rhymes for the past five centuries.

“This is an amazing find, one that changes everything we knew about history,” said Nicole Digmun, head of the Ecole Paris de Technologie et l’Arts Humain, who headed the translating team. “Every archeologist hopes to find something like this, but few actually do. It’s on a par with Dawson’s Piltdown Man or the Mitchell-Hedges Skull.”

The documents, which were written in a mix of primitive French and Latin, are the diary of a sixteenth-century Abbess known as Mere D’Oye, or Mother Goose. In them she not only sets out her life, which reads like a renaissance romance novel, but also makes a series of prophecies about the future. These prophecies, which are still not fully understood, are set out in rhymes easily memorized and were kept alive by country folk as the famous “mother goose” stories.

“Every original story is there, from Humpty Dumpty all the way to Jack and Jill,” said MIT Researcher Budd Grant. “Everybody has always believed that these were just nonsense rhymes, but they’re actually a vision of the future more powerful than we could imagine.”

More incredible than that was revelation of Mere D’Oye’s personal life. As a poor girl she worked carrying paints for her father, an Italian businessman, until one day she was swept up as a studio model and later lover for the famous painter and inventor Leonardo Da Vinci. But they broke off their affair when she became pregnant, and she fled in 1502 with her unborn child to France. There she finally settled in the abbey of St. Denys, where her son Michel was born in 1503. Michel was sent to Notre Dame to be raised by the monks there, later claiming lasting fame for his own visions, more commonly known by his anglicized name of Nostradamus.

But the son’s visions do not compare to his mother’s eerie accuracy. “Michel de Notre Dame was an amateur,” Digmun said. “Mere d’Oye was a professional. She envisioned a world totally unknown in the 16th century and set it out in fascinating detail. Mother Goose was particularly interested in the 20th and 21st century, which she called a future where man’s greatest dreams and nightmares will become one and the same.”

The scientists laid out the “Mother Goose Code” as follows:

Jack and Jill: Clearly depicting the rise of Napoleon, or Jack, and the French people, also called Jill. Long fascinated by what was meant when he “fell and broke his crown”, this poem signifies the place, Waterloo, which Mother Goose identified as “toilet de l’eau.” In England a toilet is called a loo, and eau is water, thus Waterloo. In the final stanza the English, symbolized by their queen as the mother of the pair, punishes the people of France with a spanking for her attempt at following “Jack” to the top of the hill.

Pease Porridge: A note to the side reads “1929”, showing that Mother Goose was well aware of the depression that would soon stalk the world, forcing people to eat porridge that was nine days old.

Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater: This bleak poem discusses how vegetarian Adolf Hitler held an entire world hostage to his mad whims with the imagery of a man forcing his unwilling wife to live in a pumpkin.

Little Boy Blue: With her depiction of the working classes in their blue coveralls sleeping while industry falls apart, Mother Goose is warning of the labor strife and decline in productivity that comes with heavy unionization, particularly in Europe.

Old Woman who Lives in a Shoe: Originally titled “Apres la Guerre”, or “After the War” in English, this is a prediction of the baby boom that broke out after World War 2.

Little Miss Muffet: With its depiction of a girl eating bizarre food and fleeing from every hint of danger, Mother Goose penned a final warning to her adopted nation of France, warning it of its fate. In fact, the original title was “My People.”

Man in the Moon: She wrote in Latin an expression translated as “It’s True!” for this prophecy, which clearly depicts the first moon landing, shown on television well after most children should have been in bed.

Hey Diddle Diddle: This vision of sex (the dish and spoon) and drug use (violin-playing cats and cows jumping over the moon) was clearly the countercultural movement of the 1960s.

Jack be Nimble: Less serious than most prophecies, this quatrain predicts Evel Kneivel’s fame and eventual fiery crash at Snake Canyon. She noted “not a devil, but not so clever either.”

Banbury Cross: One of several “celebrity icon” prophecies, Mother Goose was predicting the life and career of Madonna, whom she called “the taker of children.” Digmun said that the scholars had a lot of disagreement over this prophecy, but finally were swayed when one pointed out that “in the 80’s, who rode more cock horses than Madonna?”

Patty Cake: Unable to fully comprehend the internet and microwave ovens, Mother Goose likened it to a baker who could fabricate food instantaneously. But she was sure to mark the pie with a “T”, which in the original meant “Technologie.” It was only later changed to “Timmie” to help the uneducated remember the rhyme.

Humpty Dumpty: One of the rare totally clear prophecies, this one details the fall of the Berlin Wall and the collapse of communism, aka the powerful king who could not recreate his lost empire.

Pussycat and Queen: This perplexed Mother Goose, who could not understand the power of her vision, but she was clear on its meaning: the death of a member of the royal family of England in Paris. Tragically, this is clearly the death of Princess Diana by car crash, with the hounding Press playing the role of the cat and Diana playing the role of the terrified mouse. This is the most-altered of the original poems, as Mother Goose was afraid of the eventual political ramifications of such a vision.

Hickory Dickory Dock: With its imagery of a clock striking one after a panicked mouse runs up it, leading it to return to its normal life, Mother Goose dismissed the notion of Y2K as a real danger. In fact, the original title of this poem was Hickory Dickory Hoax.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary: With its forged documents, growing from the ground with as much provenance as silver bells and cockle shells, this predicts the fall of Dan Rather as assisted by Mary Mapes, one of the most contrary people ever known at CBS.

Three notable Mother Goose prophecies beyond these, though, are likely to be reflected on over the coming years as their power is verified. Digmun, who calls herself a “Mother Goose believer” says that if we realize the power of these prophecies we can act now to improve the human condition:

Rain Rain, Go Away: With the image of Johnny, or America, unwilling to accept the rain, this predicts global warming, hurricane Katrina, and environmental disaster ahead if something is not done about global climate change.

The Fly and the Bee: Digmun says this clearly states that people will accept gay marriage, just as it would be hard to imagine a fly and a bee getting married. “Those who fight against gay marriage are lost,” says Digmun. “They may as well accept what a sixteenth-century nun saw so clearly.”

Curly Locks: Finally, Mother Goose is clear about the winner of the 2008 presidential election: John Edwards, famed for his lack of actual work experience and fine hair. “It’s pretty much all done except his opponent’s concessions,” said Grant. “Mother Goose is telling him to begin writing his acceptance speech.”

Barry at the Bat

The outlook wasn’t good for the Frisco nine that day,
The score stood 4-2 with but one inning more to play,
And when Klesko died at first, and Sweeney did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

But hope was fleeting, even still, for upon the bench there sat,
A mighty giant of a man, great Barry at the bat.
But before great Barry’d get his chance, three batters yet remained,
And so the watchers prayed and hoped a rally’d be sustained.

Somehow Linden found the ball with bat (unlike his glove),
And there ‘pon first he rested soon, as peaceful as a dove.
Now Klesko came and hacked away, and all the faithful groaned.
But when the fight was over he had second as his throne.

Now from the people rose a yell, a wave broke across the stands,
For while Aurilia had the plate, in the circle stood their man.
Mighty Barry had come forth at last, his arms in plastic clad,
And the patrons knew that very soon, he’d fustigate the cad,
That dared to throw him just one pitch acquainted with the plate.
So they stamped and yelled and howled, “Come on Richie, get on base!”

The pitcher let the spheroid loose, but the tumult was too great,
And the ball struck Aurilia on the leg ‘stead of crossing o‘er the plate.
And now the ‘Frisco faithful cheered and began to make their merry,
For while Aurilia limped to first, up came the mighty Barry!

The bases all were full, there was nowhere he could go,
‘Cept to put his mark upon the game and visit in the Cove.
Kayaks, rowboats, dinghies too all waited for the splash,
Of Barry’s mighty missile that would soon win all the hash.

And as the pitcher writhed Barry pounded at the dirt,
And finally the umpire signaled that all should get to work.
The catcher flashed the signs and then the spheroid came.
But it did not pass near Barry, “Ball one!” the umpire sang.

“Foul” cried the people, and echo answered “foul!”
“Kill them! Kill the pitcher!” the angry tumult howled.
But Barry raised his hand, and signaled for some calm.
Then with a nod he silenced them, and bid the game go on.

The pitcher let loose one more time, the ball was at his goad,
And once again it did not pass within the same ZIP code
Of Barry and his mighty bat. The crowd began to sag,
For it was clear the pitcher and his manager were cads.

Villains of the highest sort, who cared naught for honor,
And while the fans cried vengeance a third ball was upon them.
And now the runners readied, for this would be their chance,
To slowly walk around the pads while fans would boo and rant.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And it seems to all upon the field that time begins to slow.

Somewhere in this great land, mighty players have their chance,
To put their mark upon a game, with destiny go dance,
But there is no joy in Frisco, for as the watchers gawk,
Four balls have come across the plate; mighty Barry has been walked.

And then comes Omar V, Mendoza’s closest friend,
Soon after he has flailed and the game is at an end.

(with credit to Ernest Thayer's Casey at the Bat)

Did I make a difference?

I see that ESPN.com shuffled their Page 2 contributors' photos this week, moving everybody into alphabetical order except Alipour, Keri, and Lukas. Noting, of course, that Simmons is still riding at the head of the class. Also, Easterbrook's photo looks like something out of a 1950's yearbook, and is conspicuously black and white instead of color.

I would like to take full credit for this change, which means that I had an impact on the 2000-pound gorilla of the sportsworld from my anonymous blog. Army of Davids, indeed! Reality is probably far different, and I would ask that any who know the true story not spoil my fantasy.

Fortunately, the DJ Gallo "Sprockets" photo is untouched, which brings me joy. I love that photo.

I'm a little concerned that Pearlman has vanished, but searching didn't turn up any buzz on him one way or the other. I'm guessing he didn't get the axe, since the typical ESPN style is to act like Horemheb and erase all mention of fired employees from the website, like they did with Easterbrook (during his two-year "separation" from the website) and Whitlock (whose columns are there but hard to find). Pearlman's archive is still there, so I'm hoping he's okay. Yes, I know I was hard on the guy, but what do my opinions count for? I'm an anonymous dweeb running a low-wattage blog. And unlike some, I don't want people to lose their jobs. Especially because of my big mouth!