Here are some headlines you can expect not to see in the coming days:
Dan Rather Withdraws Lawsuit, Apologizes for Being an Ass
Tehran University Announces Birth of Hitler Clone
Lack of Scientific Data To Prove Preconceived Conclusion Worries Climate Scientists
In a Bid to Boost Sagging Ratings, Nancy Grace and Bill O’Reilly Petition USAG to Suspend Double Jeopardy Laws and Retry OJ
Democrats Hail Venezuelan Pogroms as “Model Prisons”
Anonymous Typewritten Letter Proves Fidel Castro Still Alive
Rosie O'Donnell Endorses Fellow Truther and Moron Ron Paul for President
Columbia Invites Hitler Clone to Address Law School
Anonymous Source Confirms Bin Laden Still Alive, Dangerous
World Ending Faster than Previously Thought
George Bush Wins Nobel Peace Prize
