So I see with great surprise that the Sports Gal (aka Bill Simmons' wife) has a column over on ESPN Page 2 where she discusses the Bachelor.
During the football season, those who read Sports Guy (aka Simmons himself) learned two very interesting things about the Sports Gal:
1) She's a better football handicapper than her husband
2) She's funnier than her husband
Now it appears that the editors at ESPN have noticed the results of this "take your wife to work day" and decided to give her a column to discuss ABC's Bachelor. This fall, I expect we'll see her name up there next to Sean Salisbury and John Clayton in the 'Experts' forecasts.
If you click on her 'Archive', it actually shows Bill Simmons. How long will she stand for that? How long until professional jealousy begins to set in the Simmons household as they compare the feedback to their articles? What about if she gets opportunities he was never offered? How would he feel keeping the kid(s) at home while she goes to the Super Bowl next year to cover it?
The question is, do they really need the Sports Guy any more? She's funnier than he is, picks football, and is probably far less likely to go off on misogynistic rants than her husband. If she can apply her skills to basketball and obsess over Larry Bird, he's essentially replaced.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Al Gore Blames Republicans for Politicization of Climate Change
At a speech today in Germany US Environment Activist Al Gore decried the politicization of the debate on global climate change, saying that “Republicans have ignored and politicized this discussion for too long, because they don’t care about the environment and they want to drown everybody who lives on the coasts.”
Warming to his topic, he continued. “Republicans know that their voting base is inbred hicks in the hills, while sophisticated coastal urbanites see them for the reptilian monsters they are. So they are trying to increase CO2 emissions so that the ice caps melt and bring floods and hungry polar bears into every city on the coast.”
Gore noted that no reputable scientist disputes his contention that sea levels will rise twenty meters and bring a new apocalypse to the world. “There are a few disreputable scientists who might speak out against my models, but they’re crackpots.” Gore said. “I understand that Michael Crichton doesn’t believe me, but he’s immoral and vile and wants to destroy humans with a plague of dinosaurs, so he’s not to be trusted. Besides, he’s just an author with no education, while I’ve been a dedicated public servant for almost three decades. Who are you going to trust?”
“Every scientist now agrees completely with me, and it’s time to take politics out of the equation.” Gore said. “The best way to do that is to elect me president of the United States.”
Asked if he was announcing that he sought the US presidency, Gore was noncommittal. “I don’t want to get into a whole political discussion or distract from my true passion, the moral imperative that we save the world. But if enough people want to write my name in and draft me to run, I would consider it, but only for a party that was environmentally responsible and wanted to keep the world from slipping into an age of hothouse horror. So the Republicans are out, because everybody knows that they just want to emit more greenhouse gas and kill everybody and burn poor people as fuel.”
He also announced a new, non-political website that would help people understand the dangers of global climate change at: www.votegore4prez2008.org.
Warming to his topic, he continued. “Republicans know that their voting base is inbred hicks in the hills, while sophisticated coastal urbanites see them for the reptilian monsters they are. So they are trying to increase CO2 emissions so that the ice caps melt and bring floods and hungry polar bears into every city on the coast.”
Gore noted that no reputable scientist disputes his contention that sea levels will rise twenty meters and bring a new apocalypse to the world. “There are a few disreputable scientists who might speak out against my models, but they’re crackpots.” Gore said. “I understand that Michael Crichton doesn’t believe me, but he’s immoral and vile and wants to destroy humans with a plague of dinosaurs, so he’s not to be trusted. Besides, he’s just an author with no education, while I’ve been a dedicated public servant for almost three decades. Who are you going to trust?”
“Every scientist now agrees completely with me, and it’s time to take politics out of the equation.” Gore said. “The best way to do that is to elect me president of the United States.”
Asked if he was announcing that he sought the US presidency, Gore was noncommittal. “I don’t want to get into a whole political discussion or distract from my true passion, the moral imperative that we save the world. But if enough people want to write my name in and draft me to run, I would consider it, but only for a party that was environmentally responsible and wanted to keep the world from slipping into an age of hothouse horror. So the Republicans are out, because everybody knows that they just want to emit more greenhouse gas and kill everybody and burn poor people as fuel.”
He also announced a new, non-political website that would help people understand the dangers of global climate change at: www.votegore4prez2008.org.
Economists Warn on Lack of Recession
The group Freelance Economists for an American Recession today warned that the lack of a recession could be a sign of insanity among institutional and private investors in the United States and urged the government to take drastic action designed to plunge the nation into recession.
“The markets are not adequately correcting themselves,” said spokesman Robert Kiyosaki, author of the upcoming book Rich Dad’s Recession. “The true purchasing power of the average family is plummeting, the government is miscalculating inflation, and the Fed is just sitting on its hands hoping nobody notices until they retire so they can blame it on the next guy.”
Pointing to the recent collapse of high-risk lender New Century as a sign of market weakness, they urged congress to take whatever action was necessary to wreck the economy. “I’ve been warning of this a long time,” Kiyosaki noted. “Since at least 2004 I’ve been predicting a market crash, either slow or fast or medium-paced. But it won’t come, because nobody will listen to me. So the government needs to get involved to destroy the economy. Everyone else is calculating incorrectly, not me.”
“Wealth in the hands of the people is one of the big problems,” noted another member, Charles Wheelan. “If we say the country should be in recession, it really needs to go into recession in order to maintain our credibility. If we say taxes should go up, they really need to go up. We can’t have people running around spending money and investing and lowering taxes when we say they should be buying gold and burying it in the basement and panicking.”
Asked what financial advice he would give people to weather the upcoming storm, Kiyosaki was succinct: “Buy real estate and other fixed assets. Take on massive amounts of debt to buy gold as a hedge against the plummeting value of the dollar. Get used to over 12% inflation like we’ve had the past few years, because it’s here to stay.”
Wheelan added his advice: “Panic like it’s 1929.”
“The markets are not adequately correcting themselves,” said spokesman Robert Kiyosaki, author of the upcoming book Rich Dad’s Recession. “The true purchasing power of the average family is plummeting, the government is miscalculating inflation, and the Fed is just sitting on its hands hoping nobody notices until they retire so they can blame it on the next guy.”
Pointing to the recent collapse of high-risk lender New Century as a sign of market weakness, they urged congress to take whatever action was necessary to wreck the economy. “I’ve been warning of this a long time,” Kiyosaki noted. “Since at least 2004 I’ve been predicting a market crash, either slow or fast or medium-paced. But it won’t come, because nobody will listen to me. So the government needs to get involved to destroy the economy. Everyone else is calculating incorrectly, not me.”
“Wealth in the hands of the people is one of the big problems,” noted another member, Charles Wheelan. “If we say the country should be in recession, it really needs to go into recession in order to maintain our credibility. If we say taxes should go up, they really need to go up. We can’t have people running around spending money and investing and lowering taxes when we say they should be buying gold and burying it in the basement and panicking.”
Asked what financial advice he would give people to weather the upcoming storm, Kiyosaki was succinct: “Buy real estate and other fixed assets. Take on massive amounts of debt to buy gold as a hedge against the plummeting value of the dollar. Get used to over 12% inflation like we’ve had the past few years, because it’s here to stay.”
Wheelan added his advice: “Panic like it’s 1929.”
Several Injured in Rush to Judgement
Several reputations were injured over the weekend during a rush to judgment by members of the blogosphere after an article on Drudge accused Michael Ware of heckling John McCain. Later video of the event did not show the alleged incident, although many bloggers still maintained that it was true because they wanted it to be true.
“I don’t believe the proof of the video.” Said one disgruntled blogger. “This seems like something that Ware would do, and I want to believe that it’s something that Ware did, so I will not accept any evidence to the contrary.”
The original reporter of the story, Drudge Report, stood by their story. “I have an unnamed source who gave me this story without any providence whatsoever, so I’m going to run with it. A video not showing the alleged incident doesn’t prove anything, it just underscores how important it is not to get too wrapped up in evidence.”
The alleged incident occurred during a press conference in Iraq, where Ware was supposed to have publicly ridiculed presidential aspirant John McCain. McCain’s office declined to comment, perhaps because the story did not fit in with his ‘maverick’ image and therefore was of no value, or maybe because the incident did not occur.
Ware has released videos of the press conference and taped an interview with fellow CNN reporter Soledad O’Brien where he hotly denied the rumors, as if true they would almost certainly lead to the loss of his job and the destruction of his career.
An unnamed spokesman for Drudge dismissed Ware’s comments. “We all learned from Mapes and Rather that it’s more important to display no proof than fabricated proof, and that’s exactly what we did. Why can’t people just trust those of us who are investigative reporters?”
In addition to the damage to several reputations over the weekend in the conservative blogosphere, sources knowledgeable with the liberal blogosphere reported a surge in schadenfreude, fortunately with no injuries.
“I don’t believe the proof of the video.” Said one disgruntled blogger. “This seems like something that Ware would do, and I want to believe that it’s something that Ware did, so I will not accept any evidence to the contrary.”
The original reporter of the story, Drudge Report, stood by their story. “I have an unnamed source who gave me this story without any providence whatsoever, so I’m going to run with it. A video not showing the alleged incident doesn’t prove anything, it just underscores how important it is not to get too wrapped up in evidence.”
The alleged incident occurred during a press conference in Iraq, where Ware was supposed to have publicly ridiculed presidential aspirant John McCain. McCain’s office declined to comment, perhaps because the story did not fit in with his ‘maverick’ image and therefore was of no value, or maybe because the incident did not occur.
Ware has released videos of the press conference and taped an interview with fellow CNN reporter Soledad O’Brien where he hotly denied the rumors, as if true they would almost certainly lead to the loss of his job and the destruction of his career.
An unnamed spokesman for Drudge dismissed Ware’s comments. “We all learned from Mapes and Rather that it’s more important to display no proof than fabricated proof, and that’s exactly what we did. Why can’t people just trust those of us who are investigative reporters?”
In addition to the damage to several reputations over the weekend in the conservative blogosphere, sources knowledgeable with the liberal blogosphere reported a surge in schadenfreude, fortunately with no injuries.
And now a word from our sponsor
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Monday, April 2, 2007
LA Times Announces New Editorial Structure
LA Times new owner Sam Zell, mindful of the recent infighting between the news and editorial divisions at the beleaguered paper, today announced a bold plan designed to “reestablish the entertainment capital of the world as the information capital of the world.” Plan Kilomonkey has been hailed as “genius” and “inspired” by the same people who steered it to heights not seen since the early 1880s.
Plan Kilomonkey calls for the entire editorial staff at the Times, from senior copy editor to lowest desk clerk, to be terminated and replaced by various monkeys and other primates on loan from the Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco zoos. In additional to reducing salaries and cost for the “Opinion” section, the paper anticipated a dramatic quality increase in editorial columns, particularly over the recently-cancelled disastrous “Guest Editor” columns.
“Everybody knows that if you take a thousand monkeys and let them type for a thousand years, you’d get Shakespeare,” said Tim Rutten, newly-named Chief Editor and rumored architect of the plan. “Well, at a newspaper we don’t need Shakespeare. We don’t even need David Mamet. We just need something that people can read and enjoy. And the monkeys type on whatever subject it is that you want, which will keep the News division happy.”
Bud Rubkin, head keeper of Primates at the Los Angeles Zoo, said the monkeys were looking forward to taking a more active role in politics. “They’ve done a lot of acting, you know, things like luggage ads or those CareerBuilder.com commercials. But this time they get to show a little more of their personalities and fight social injustice.”
Asked about the monkeys’ behavior, Rutten was unconcerned. “So the excrement goes from being in the column to being on the draft that comes to me. It’s a small price to pay for such a large improvement.”
Not everyone was happy with the change. Sheila Rodgers-Hammersall, Executive Director of Hooray for Animals!, noted that “once again Hollywood is establishing itself as the premiere exploiter of animals. Locking these noble, sensitive animals up in a cellar to produce copy is a terrible crime, and the publisher should be ashamed of themselves. But I’ve read the LA Times; if they’re not ashamed of that then they won’t be ashamed of anything. We at Hooray for Animals! want to reiterate that the only simians that should ever be exploited are humans; never apes.”
The paper’s new owner brushed off the concerns of Hooray for Animals! “Look, we pay them well in bananas and mealworms, they turn out a quality product, and maybe one day one of them gets a book deal. It’s not like we’re declawing cats or something here. The monkeys like to write!”
Asked about quality of the editorial section, Rutten said he was excited to work with his new staff. “I’ve never worried about quality before, so why would I start now?”
Plan Kilomonkey calls for the entire editorial staff at the Times, from senior copy editor to lowest desk clerk, to be terminated and replaced by various monkeys and other primates on loan from the Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco zoos. In additional to reducing salaries and cost for the “Opinion” section, the paper anticipated a dramatic quality increase in editorial columns, particularly over the recently-cancelled disastrous “Guest Editor” columns.
“Everybody knows that if you take a thousand monkeys and let them type for a thousand years, you’d get Shakespeare,” said Tim Rutten, newly-named Chief Editor and rumored architect of the plan. “Well, at a newspaper we don’t need Shakespeare. We don’t even need David Mamet. We just need something that people can read and enjoy. And the monkeys type on whatever subject it is that you want, which will keep the News division happy.”
Bud Rubkin, head keeper of Primates at the Los Angeles Zoo, said the monkeys were looking forward to taking a more active role in politics. “They’ve done a lot of acting, you know, things like luggage ads or those CareerBuilder.com commercials. But this time they get to show a little more of their personalities and fight social injustice.”
Asked about the monkeys’ behavior, Rutten was unconcerned. “So the excrement goes from being in the column to being on the draft that comes to me. It’s a small price to pay for such a large improvement.”
Not everyone was happy with the change. Sheila Rodgers-Hammersall, Executive Director of Hooray for Animals!, noted that “once again Hollywood is establishing itself as the premiere exploiter of animals. Locking these noble, sensitive animals up in a cellar to produce copy is a terrible crime, and the publisher should be ashamed of themselves. But I’ve read the LA Times; if they’re not ashamed of that then they won’t be ashamed of anything. We at Hooray for Animals! want to reiterate that the only simians that should ever be exploited are humans; never apes.”
The paper’s new owner brushed off the concerns of Hooray for Animals! “Look, we pay them well in bananas and mealworms, they turn out a quality product, and maybe one day one of them gets a book deal. It’s not like we’re declawing cats or something here. The monkeys like to write!”
Asked about quality of the editorial section, Rutten said he was excited to work with his new staff. “I’ve never worried about quality before, so why would I start now?”
Dan Shaughnessy Answers His Critics
Much has been made the past week of my March 26 column discussing Curt Schilling’s blog. A lot of the furor has been a loss of perspective, I think, of what my true journalistic purpose is and a general misunderstanding of what I wanted to say about the blogging community.
First of all, those who criticize me must realize that I am the leading light of the Boston sports community, widely known as the most knowledgeable consumers of sports in the world. I am a direct conduit to the spirit of Babe Ruth, and it was I who placated his spirit (the world must know the truth!) and therefore it is I who am responsible for the 2004 championship. So I speak with an authority which is not exceeded by any other person: not president, not pope, and not Theo Epstein.
I was the one who convinced Johnny Damon to grow his hair long and thus experience a Samson-like surge in strength and productivity. If there is one subject I know well, it is coiffure.
All good things in Boston derive from me. I convinced Boston to acquire Schilling, and it was I who nursed him back to health and allowed him to pitch on a ruptured Achilles tendon using a technique known only to myself and Mr. Miyagi. I helped bring Carl Everett to Boston, along with my good friend Gordon Edes. I was the only one who stood against the execrable movie ‘Fever Pitch’. It was I, and I alone, who intervened telepathically with Dice-K to convince him to come here; indeed, it was I who gave him his now-famous moniker, the one he will ride to hall of fame greatness unless bumping his elbow leaves him forever a cripple and ruins Boston’s 2007 season hopes and plunges us into anguish and dismay unknown since the winter of 2003.
So it is with some discontent that I suffer the slings and arrows of lesser men after I brought to light a fact which is clear to all: that every blogger is an overweight social misanthrope that lives with his parents and is full of homosexual lust for Curt Schilling. I need not argue this self-evident point with cretins, nor shall I condescend to their level to explain this to them.
I hereby decree this order, to be noted and followed throughout the sports world: henceforth all athletes shall not write, speak, or utter one word of independent thought directly to a fan, but will rather address themselves through responsible members of the media who best know how to interpret their utterances into the marketplace.
I further announce, in my special capacity as High Priest of Red Sox Nation, an inquisition to be held to discover, denounce, and destroy all those who stand against me, including but not limited to the Sons of Sam Horn, the blog site Dan Shaugnessy Watch, the wretched people at FireJoeMorgan.com, and even the lowly sophomores at ESPN Page 2 who dared to make light of my piece on Curt Schilling’s blog.
I, the great Shaughnessy, have spoken. Let my will be done throughout the earth.
Dan
First of all, those who criticize me must realize that I am the leading light of the Boston sports community, widely known as the most knowledgeable consumers of sports in the world. I am a direct conduit to the spirit of Babe Ruth, and it was I who placated his spirit (the world must know the truth!) and therefore it is I who am responsible for the 2004 championship. So I speak with an authority which is not exceeded by any other person: not president, not pope, and not Theo Epstein.
I was the one who convinced Johnny Damon to grow his hair long and thus experience a Samson-like surge in strength and productivity. If there is one subject I know well, it is coiffure.
All good things in Boston derive from me. I convinced Boston to acquire Schilling, and it was I who nursed him back to health and allowed him to pitch on a ruptured Achilles tendon using a technique known only to myself and Mr. Miyagi. I helped bring Carl Everett to Boston, along with my good friend Gordon Edes. I was the only one who stood against the execrable movie ‘Fever Pitch’. It was I, and I alone, who intervened telepathically with Dice-K to convince him to come here; indeed, it was I who gave him his now-famous moniker, the one he will ride to hall of fame greatness unless bumping his elbow leaves him forever a cripple and ruins Boston’s 2007 season hopes and plunges us into anguish and dismay unknown since the winter of 2003.
So it is with some discontent that I suffer the slings and arrows of lesser men after I brought to light a fact which is clear to all: that every blogger is an overweight social misanthrope that lives with his parents and is full of homosexual lust for Curt Schilling. I need not argue this self-evident point with cretins, nor shall I condescend to their level to explain this to them.
I hereby decree this order, to be noted and followed throughout the sports world: henceforth all athletes shall not write, speak, or utter one word of independent thought directly to a fan, but will rather address themselves through responsible members of the media who best know how to interpret their utterances into the marketplace.
I further announce, in my special capacity as High Priest of Red Sox Nation, an inquisition to be held to discover, denounce, and destroy all those who stand against me, including but not limited to the Sons of Sam Horn, the blog site Dan Shaugnessy Watch, the wretched people at FireJoeMorgan.com, and even the lowly sophomores at ESPN Page 2 who dared to make light of my piece on Curt Schilling’s blog.
I, the great Shaughnessy, have spoken. Let my will be done throughout the earth.
Dan
MLB Team Mottos for 2007
Here are some proposed MLB team mottos for this season, which started yesterday:
AL East
New York Yankees: Celebrating 100 years of media overexposure
Boston Red Sox: It’s not penis envy if you win
Baltimore Orioles: The ego of Stenbrenner meets the spending of Schottenheimer.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Every 1000th fan through the gate gets to start in the outfield. So far, no takers.
Toronto Blue Jays: We play baseball too, eh?
AL Central
Detroit Tigers: From Ty Cobb to Jim Leland, still the most politically incorrect team in Sports
Chicago White Sox: Those @#!ing Tigers think they’re incorrect? Just listen to Ozzie!
Kansas City Royals: Making incompetence pay through revenue sharing.
Minnesota Twins: Best part about being a small market tem: people describe you as ‘scrappy’ when they should say ‘mediocre.’
Cleveland Indians: Tigers, White Sox: meet Chief Wahoo. ‘Nuff said.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California: On the continent North America on the planet Earth in the Sol solar system in the galaxy Milky Way in the known universe
Oakland Athletics: There’s a FIRST half of the season?
Seattle Mariners: Maybe we should have kept A-Rod, Griffey, and Johnson.
Texas Rangers: Proud sponsors of New York Yankees baseball.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Unfortunately, we can’t win those either.
Washington Nationals: Different country, same result. Kind of like communism.
Florida Marlins: The first step to overcoming bulimia is admitting you have a problem
Philadelphia Phillies: Threatening to be good for four consecutive years.
NY Mets: It is penis envy if you don’t win.
NL Central:
St. Louis Cardinals: We would have preferred the Stanley Cup, since it holds more beer.
Pittsburgh Pirates: His head was a normal size when he played here. Testicles, too.
Cincinnati Reds: Baseball is like roulette: always bet on red!
Houston Astros: Every aging pitcher that joins gets to select one roster spot for their son, absolutely free of charge!
Chicago Cubs: Why is it ‘angst’ in Boston and ‘whining’ in Chicago?
Milwaukee Brewers: Come for the sausage races, stay because it’s not like you’re going to get stuck in traffic in the parking lot or anything.
NL West
San Diego Padres: Great weather, beautiful girls. Who needs baseball?
Los Angeles Dodgers: He may be a fat, vile, foul-mouthed toad who is vastly overrated and harasses women, but…I’m sorry, what was the question again?
Arizona Diamondbacks: With Johnson back, we’re bound to finish better than last!
Colorado Rockies: Where pitchers go to die.
San Francisco Giants: We don’t care if he practices his swing clubbing baby seals and treats his body like a chemistry experiment. Did you see how far he can hit a baseball?
A word from our sponsor
Hello, what few readers I currently have. I want to thank you for coming here and I hope that you have enjoyed what you’ve read so far. My hope is there will be more and more of you as time goes on, and that you’ll tell others about this blog so that it can grow.
As you (hopefully) can tell, this is an attempt at a humor blog. Oh, every once in a while I’ll throw in a deep thought or two, but by and large I’m trying to be funny. I apologize ahead of time for the stuff I put on here that fails at that purpose. I’m also trying to satire targets that are largely fresh, using approaches that other people haven’t tried yet. That’s not to say that some of this won’t be derivative or heavily influenced by what’s out there, but I promise that I’m trying to be original. When I’m not, please call me on it. I don’t read nearly everything, so it’s bound to happen eventually that I inadvertently copy something.
Occasionally I try out a new form, like I have today on the Dan Shaughnessy piece. It may misfire, but I’m stretching to see where my limits are. Don’t worry about telling me that something is bad; I’d rather know it’s bad and either refine it or leave it to somebody else to do than continue to write drivel. Trust me on this: my ego is big enough that I can take a little criticism.
As everybody, my interest in various areas will ebb and flow, which is why (for example) last week we had three environmental send-ups and today there are two sports-themed postings. It’ll just be like that, I suppose.
I’m currently rated as a microbe on the TTLB ecosystem and tied for last place in the blogosphere. My goal is to be a Higher Being someday. Yes, it’s a long way, but as Thoreau said, “’whatever a man aims at, let him aim high.”
So please keep coming back, keep reading, and don’t hesitate to link to my posts or my blog. And remember: keep watching the skis!
As you (hopefully) can tell, this is an attempt at a humor blog. Oh, every once in a while I’ll throw in a deep thought or two, but by and large I’m trying to be funny. I apologize ahead of time for the stuff I put on here that fails at that purpose. I’m also trying to satire targets that are largely fresh, using approaches that other people haven’t tried yet. That’s not to say that some of this won’t be derivative or heavily influenced by what’s out there, but I promise that I’m trying to be original. When I’m not, please call me on it. I don’t read nearly everything, so it’s bound to happen eventually that I inadvertently copy something.
Occasionally I try out a new form, like I have today on the Dan Shaughnessy piece. It may misfire, but I’m stretching to see where my limits are. Don’t worry about telling me that something is bad; I’d rather know it’s bad and either refine it or leave it to somebody else to do than continue to write drivel. Trust me on this: my ego is big enough that I can take a little criticism.
As everybody, my interest in various areas will ebb and flow, which is why (for example) last week we had three environmental send-ups and today there are two sports-themed postings. It’ll just be like that, I suppose.
I’m currently rated as a microbe on the TTLB ecosystem and tied for last place in the blogosphere. My goal is to be a Higher Being someday. Yes, it’s a long way, but as Thoreau said, “’whatever a man aims at, let him aim high.”
So please keep coming back, keep reading, and don’t hesitate to link to my posts or my blog. And remember: keep watching the skis!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Rosie O’Donnell Announces Book Club
Upset by what she calls “the dumbing down of America” by Oprah Winfrey’s book club, The View hostess Rosie O’Donnell today announced that she is launching her own book club called “Books Every American Should Read.”
“I just think that Oprah is doing a disservice, that’s all.” Rosie explained. “It’s important, especially in today’s political climate, that we not let some jingoistic sycophant like Oprah Winfrey try to set the national dialogue on literature. Her latest selection, The Road, takes place totally inside the United States. Oprah, listen to me: the whole world is not about America!”
For her first choice, Rosie has chosen to highlight an obscure late 19th-century scholarly text called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Rosie said that her reasons for choosing it were very simple.
“This is an important piece of knowledge about history and the development of the world as we know it that the government and the so-called free press just don’t want you to read.” She said. “Everybody in the world knows what’s going on except for we Americans because of this massive conspiracy to keep the truth from us. How can you read serious, scholarly works like Jimmy Carter’s Palestine: Peace not Apartheid or the recent report out of Harvard and Chicago Universities, The Israel Lobby, unless you have this piece of historical background? It would be like trying to run the country without reading the constitution. You know, like George Bush has been doing!”
Asked about what future choices she might make for the book club, Rosie gave some hints about what she was considering next. “Americans just don’t understand about other cultures, so I’m thinking of a serious cultural study like The Resistance Manifesto by investigative reporter John Conner, or maybe highlighting a leading foreign intellectual who has studied America, like Noam Chomsky in his book Failed States.”
When told that Chomsky was an American, Rosie shrugged. “He’s got a foreign-sounding name and he hates the United States, which is good enough for me. At least he’s not contaminated by the right-wing groupthink that infects places like CNN and CNBC.”
“I just think that Oprah is doing a disservice, that’s all.” Rosie explained. “It’s important, especially in today’s political climate, that we not let some jingoistic sycophant like Oprah Winfrey try to set the national dialogue on literature. Her latest selection, The Road, takes place totally inside the United States. Oprah, listen to me: the whole world is not about America!”
For her first choice, Rosie has chosen to highlight an obscure late 19th-century scholarly text called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Rosie said that her reasons for choosing it were very simple.
“This is an important piece of knowledge about history and the development of the world as we know it that the government and the so-called free press just don’t want you to read.” She said. “Everybody in the world knows what’s going on except for we Americans because of this massive conspiracy to keep the truth from us. How can you read serious, scholarly works like Jimmy Carter’s Palestine: Peace not Apartheid or the recent report out of Harvard and Chicago Universities, The Israel Lobby, unless you have this piece of historical background? It would be like trying to run the country without reading the constitution. You know, like George Bush has been doing!”
Asked about what future choices she might make for the book club, Rosie gave some hints about what she was considering next. “Americans just don’t understand about other cultures, so I’m thinking of a serious cultural study like The Resistance Manifesto by investigative reporter John Conner, or maybe highlighting a leading foreign intellectual who has studied America, like Noam Chomsky in his book Failed States.”
When told that Chomsky was an American, Rosie shrugged. “He’s got a foreign-sounding name and he hates the United States, which is good enough for me. At least he’s not contaminated by the right-wing groupthink that infects places like CNN and CNBC.”
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