The Wall Street Morons

As part of my ongoing effort to try to study the AoS morons, I decided it might be good to see what the socio-economic status is of the moron army. I figured that there'd be tons of unemployed, bitter, hobo-hunting Pennsylvania millworkers, but scattered among them I hoped to find some few succesful individuals.

I used a blog worth calculator, found here through Technorati.

You may be surprised to learn that the total blog value of the 78 members of the Moron Army is $5,074,052. That's an average of $65,052 per blog.

Now I know what you're thinking: that's great, but who has the highest-value blog? Our good friends at My Pet Jawa, with $703,981. So the next time you need bail money for urinating on your ex-girlfriend's cat, you know who to call.

Ace is second, with $661,640, with Protein Widsom ($566,798), Cold Fury ($492,843), and Stingary ($280,011) rounding out the top 5.

What we need is somebody who has lots of money, would like to use our blogs as part of his media empire, isn't very intelligent, and would love to shut us up. Then we split the money up evenly, 65K a piece, and start up new blogs somewhere else!

Anybody know the phone number for Daily Kos?

UPDATE: Turns out I skipped My Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, which is worth 500k and change and would thus be fourth. That also pushes us to just over 5.5 million! Sorry, Beth!

Morons in the Mist

Recently I joined up in the ever-growing Ace of Spades army of morons (it’s like an army of Davids, only with more swearing). I am proud to be a member of this illustrious organization, which requires that you ask somebody to add you to a list in order to join.

In a nakedly transparent attempt at link-whoring, I’m going to try to study and explain this gaggle of morons, like Jane Goodall with the gorillas. Only I expect to get a little more poo flung at me than she did.

Today I start by examining the reading level of this moron army. On this site, you can find the reading level of your blog. I tapped in the URLs of the 75 AoS morons as of March 30th and found the following statistics:

1) The average reading level is between Junior High and High School.

2) Generalissimo Ace has a Junior High rating. In many countries this would mean he’s ready to seize power in a bloody coup: Junior-High education, lots of moronic followers, and tons of unrequited rage. Here in America, though, he’s forced to stoop to hobo hunting and swilling down Valu-Rite vodka to dull his white-hot rage at disenfranchisement.

3) There are three idiot-savant blogs among us rated as Geniuses, who may or may not need their moron cards now revoked:

Atheistica
ConChrist
D Equals S

Which brings to mind this age-old question: if an atheist and a Christian got in a fight, who would win? Well, if there was pudding and bikinis involved, we all would.

4) We are also joined by 14 Elementary School level blogs. One of those is Steamboat McGoo, which has the delightful habit of linking to porn at the end of each post.

I don’t know what Elementary School the widget is thinking of, but porn wasn’t a staple of my education until well into High School. Except that time in sixth grade when a friend of mine swiped the Sears catalog and we spent all day looking at the bra ads.

Ah, good times.

I forget; what was the point of this post again?

Oh, yeah: I’m a moron.